Why We Need to Talk About One of the Most Overlooked Forms of Child Sexual Abuse
By Darlene Lekowski
When most people think about child sexual abuse, they picture a stranger, a coach, a teacher, or
perhaps a trusted parent or other adult. Few immediately think about an older sibling.
Yet for countless survivors, the person who violated their trust, safety, and childhood was an older
brother or sister.
Sibling Sexual Trauma and Abuse (SSTA) remains one of the most common yet least discussed
forms of childhood sexual abuse. In fact, it is believed that in a classroom of 25 children, at least one
is currently being abused by an older sibling. That’s as common as a child with a food allergy in a
classroom, yet it’s still rarely talked about.
Research also estimates that approximately 80 million children worldwide have experienced SSTA.
While public awareness has grown around many other forms of sexual violence, sibling sexual abuse
continues to hide behind family loyalty, secrecy, denial, and shame. As a result, many survivors carry
their experiences alone for decades. I know because I was one of them.
I was sexually abused by my two oldest brothers as a child. Like many survivors growing up in the
1970s, I received no language, education, or support to understand what had happened to me.
Instead, I learned it was safer to stay silent.
I convinced myself that speaking up would destroy my family. I feared I would be abandoned if I told.
So I buried the truth and spent more than fifty years carrying a secret that shaped nearly every part of
my life.
Today, however, something important is changing. More survivors are speaking up. More therapists
are becoming educated about SSTA and its long-term impact on survivors. More advocacy
organizations are creating resources specifically for survivors. More researchers are studying the
long-term effects of abuse between siblings.
As conversations about sexual abuse, consent, and trauma have become more common in recent
years, many survivors are finally finding language for experiences they carried in silence for decades.
What was once dismissed as “sibling behavior” is increasingly being recognized for what it often is:
abuse with lifelong consequences.
And perhaps most importantly, more survivors are discovering they are not alone.
For generations, many survivors believed what happened to them was unique. They often heard
messages that minimized their experiences: “Kids are curious.” “That’s just sibling behavior.” “It
happened a long time ago.”
But trauma does not simply disappear because years have passed.
Many survivors struggle with anxiety, depression, PTSD, perfectionism, hypervigilance, relationship challenges, substance abuse, or a persistent sense of shame. Some spend decades trying to
understand why they feel different without ever connecting those struggles to what happened in
childhood.
The silence itself becomes part of the injury.
When survivors cannot name their experiences, they cannot fully process them. When families refuse
to acknowledge abuse, healing becomes more difficult. When society avoids the conversation
altogether, survivors are left wondering whether their pain matters. It does.
The growing movement around SSTA is creating something many survivors never had when they
were children: visibility.
Organizations across the country are helping survivors connect with one another, find resources,
access trauma-informed care, and begin healing. These communities remind survivors that what
happened to them was real, that they deserve support, and that recovery is possible.
In April 2026, I published my memoir, “Shattering Silence: A Story of Survival, Justice and the Power
of Telling the Truth.” While the book tells my personal story, the response has revealed something
much larger.
People continually approach me after speaking engagements, interviews, and book events to share
stories they have never told anyone before. Many begin with the same sentence: “I’ve never said this
out loud.” Some are in their teens. Others are in their seventies. Different families. Different
backgrounds. Yet the same silence. The details differ, but the themes are remarkably similar: fear,
secrecy, confusion, shame, and the longing to finally be heard. Their stories come from families of
every income level, race, religion, and background. Abuse thrives in secrecy, not in any particular type
of household.
Their courage gives me hope. Every survivor who chooses to speak up creates space for someone
else to do the same. Every family that learns about SSTA becomes better equipped to protect
children. Every educator, therapist, healthcare provider, and community leader who understands
SSTA becomes part of the solution.
The goal is not to keep survivors focused on the past. The goal is to help them reclaim their future.
Shattering the silence around SSTA does not erase the trauma. It does not change what happened.
But it can reduce shame, create connection, and open the door to healing.
For decades, sibling sexual abuse and trauma (SSTA) has existed in the shadows. Today, survivors
are bringing it into the light. That light matters.
Because every child deserves safety. Every survivor deserves to be believed. And every person
carrying a painful secret deserves the opportunity to discover their voice—and what lies beyond
silence: hope.